ACT ONE: SCENE ONE

Late Afternoon
The Theatre Coultier

(As the lights fade up, Caden is center stage surrounded by the half built set, role playing as his producer, Master Roman. He is dressed in a tuxedo and top hat. Stefan is role playing as his brother Caden, the techie.)

Caden (Role Playing as Master Roman): Those tickets! Those eternal tickets! I've told you time and time again, I want a recount! I know we filled the house last night and I want the money I deserve. No one cheats me out of my box office! I am the Master of Ceremonies! I want to make sure I get more attention then anyone. Caden! Caden, where the hell are you? When I screech your name like a banshee you should obey and appear like magic!

Stefan (Roll Playing as Caden): I beg your pardon, Master. I was in the kitchen preparing your coffee. You do realize we have an intercom system. You could page me.

Caden: Why would I bother with such useless technology when I can simply scream your name with out picking up a phone and you come running? Don't undermine my authority. You should be listening for me at all times!

Stefan: Of course! Of course! I am at your beck and call, sir. I simply request that you save your beautiful voice for your audience and don't waste it on me.

Caden: Yes, well. Maybe your right. You are so thoughtful, my handsome hard working production man, aren't you. You do think of everything, don't you? Do you think I don't think of these things myself? You think you could run this production better than I can? Huh? I am fully capable of taking care of my voice, thank you very much. I am a singer remember. I know what is not good for my voice. And those cigarettes you smoke are at the top of my list.

Stefan: But I don't smoke them near you. I would never dishonor you in the way.

Caden: Just the fact that I have to smell them on you is enough. That smell follows you around, encircling the room that I reside in, only to land on my clean and expensive clothing. Because of you and your filth, I smell like an ashtray. You're disgusting! No one would ever kiss you with that polluted mouth!
(Stefan goes to run off stage)
Excuse me! Where do you think you are going? I haven't dismissed you. Am I finishing talking? I may never finish talking! Now, comeback here!

Stefan: I am terribly sorry, sir. I did not mean to be rude. I was simply going to wash my dirty mouth and spray some cologne on my foul clothing. I only wish Master Roman to be lovely.

Caden: I shall be exquisite. But, if you can't seem to grant me the attention I demand right now, I will create a scene somewhere else. Maybe I will interrupt the staff meeting in the offices up stairs. Or maybe I will simply indulge myself with the cast backstage. They will listen to me. I love my darling meticulous little puppets!

Stefan: Love them, sir?

Caden: Yes, Caden, love them. Really, I do. It's a different kind of love, of course. But it's still love. I really am a genius at casting the best performers for this cabaret.

Stefan: Yes, sir. You are.

Caden: And I deserve it damn it! I have worked so hard to get here in this empowering position, I'm exhausted! I've been on the phone all morning talking to one client after the next, my ear is sweating. I've had no time to wash my hair or brush my teeth. (Hysterical) I'm filthy!

Stefan: You could use the showers upstairs? I will fetch you a towel!

Caden: You will do no such thing. Why do you mock me? Why do I work so hard only to arrive here to get lip and attitude from you? I will not stand for it!

Stefan: But, I was only...

Caden: You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me! Those tickets in your hands have my stamp of approval. I could easily take them away. You just don't care what happens to me, do you? Do you enjoy causing me such stress? Do you see all that I have to worry about? It has been the most difficult year for me and you are just adding to my anguish and frustration.

Stefan: Yes Master. I know you must be under a lot of pressure with the recent lawsuits, budget cuts and your agent being sent off to jail. It is a lot to deal with at once.

Caden: Oh! So you want to talk about my misfortunes? Do you? Does it give you pleasure to see me squirm?

Stefan: Of course not, sir. I would never wish for your unpleasantness. I just wonder why you let Sophie go without telling us first.

Caden: Are you questioning me? Don't you trust me? Do you think I am incompetent, irresponsibly, inconceivable, irrelevant? (Starting to cry)

Stefan: No, sir! I would never say such slander.

Caden: (Domineering) I have been working in these productions for over 30 years and I wouldn't be here today if I didn't know exactly what I was doing!

Stefan: But of course, Master. You're a genius at what you do.

Caden: Do you really think I would do anything to insult you or this production? I am deeply hurt that you could think such horrible thoughts about me.

Stefan: I would never think such thoughts of you, Master. I love you. I am to follow you everywhere.

Caden: No doubt, as one loves a techie. You love and respect me because I am the producer. And you're hoping for credit in the program.

Stefan: But with all the work I've done for you, I…

Caden: Work, you have not yet finished!

Stefan: I working on the set when…

Caden: Do not talk when I am talking!

Stefan: But, I don't even---

Caden: Be quite you fool! My microphone. Have you hooked it up yet? (Stefan kneels down to run the cable) That's right, get down on your hands and knees and crawl like a worm.

Stefan: You will use the SM58.

Caden: I don't want to use the SM58. I want the -

Stefan: You will use the 58 this evening.

Caden: Oh! Why?

Stefan: It's impossible to forget the sound of your jazz filled voice through the head of a 58. Don't you wish to sound your best for your audience?

Caden: But of course. Don't tape the cable down there! Do you want me to trip over it? Move it over there.

Stefan: But.. I don't think -

Caden: You will do as your told.

Stefan: Yes, of course I will. Just because you granted me a title, doesn't mean I know anything, does it?

Caden: Don't talk like that in front of me. I have given you so much, you should be grateful.

(Stefan goes to fix the costume that the Caden is wearing dressed as Master Roman)

Caden: What are doing? Avoid touching me with your filthy hands. You've the odor of a dirty muscular carpenter… (A little turned on) You have such nice arms. Too bad I am already a groom to someone else. I can only image what you can do with those big hands of yours.

Stefan: (confused) What? That's not how we've played before.

Caden: Is there no room for imagination? You as dull and one sided as our President.

Stefan: I too have an imagination, much more vast than you will ever realize.

Caden: Yes, yes, so vast you can dream forever that your white knight will enter the theater dressed in his business suit looking to sell you something, but in the end desiring to buy you as his prize, as he succumbs to your magnetic power, you poor, starving, struggling, lost, human being who likes to call himself an artist late night after a long hard day at work.

Stefan: Oh god! We are so unhappy! I could cry! If you go on -

Caden: It is right, isn't it? You waste you time and energy trying to fix something that cannot be fixed here. You really wish to fight this battle? You will never win! I am so good at what I do that you will look like the disgruntled employee in the end.

Stefan: I just have this horrible feeling inside me. It's so dreadfully overwhelming.

Caden: We haven't even done it yet and you're already expressing the feelings of a murderer.

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DWengertsman 2007